Sorry for the lame title; it was the first thing to pop into my head.
In any event, I've been meaning to make a blog for a while in order to chronicle the current events of my life so that once I reach my destination, I will be able to look back at the roads that lead me there. It will be more for me than for anyone else, but feel free to lurk or what have you. I can't promise anything remotely interesting, but looking into other peoples' lives can always be somewhat entertaining at the least (hence E!, ha ha).
***If you feel the need to, you may skip this long ass post and head to the cliff notes at the bottom.
So to start this thing off, I'll talk about what it is that inspired me to start writing about my life: After 19 years of being a Christian, I no longer am one. Those that don't know me and are reading this are probably thinking "What the fuck?!?! This is some bullshit, I'm out of here!!" However, this should come as a shock to those who know me well. Those who know me well will know that I've been raised in a Christian family, gone to church all my life, played guitar for Bible Club in high school, was the VP of the same club in high school, and continued to keep in step with my beliefs by being an active member of a ministry called Campus Crusade for Christ well into my two years of college. There was no cursing, no smoking, no drinking, no fucking, and a lot of other shit that I abstained from. So for a person who has diligently lived as pious of a life as I have to no longer claim the same beliefs is a pretty big fucking deal I'd say!
The question remains: what was it that caused my shift from devoting my life to God to not being sure that I really believe that He exists? I'm not sure what it was to be honest. Some might say that I came to my senses. Others might say that I've been ensnared in the Devil's trap. Whatever it was, there are only two possible outcomes: either (1) I will come to realize that everything that I've believed and put my faith in my entire life is complete bullshit or (2) I will realize that it isn't and my faith will be increased sevenfold (see what I did there?). I can only hope to make the right choice.
In any event, this is a time for growth. A time to learn about myself and about others as much as I possibly can :D
So until next time!
P.S. There's a lot more shit to it, but it would be overkill if I tried to type it all down at once. Feel free to get at me with any questions, critiques, and/or criticisms.
***CLIFF NOTES: Fuck you, go back and read all that shit! I doubt that my other posts will be as long though (if it's any consolation, ha ha).
Dear Rick,
ReplyDeleteYouve been my best friend since 4th grade. Granted, after 10th grade we defintely had a major rift, and stopped talking. And I think we've never really been super close again or "best friend" status if you wanna classify. But I know exactly what youre going through kinda?
I started my cursing, drinking, fucking lol when I realized that what I was putting my life into wasnt important to me anymore. I have major doubts that religion isnt real. That its all a system of control. I dont even know if I believe in a major power like God. But Im growing up and I guess everyone goes through this. I want you to know one of the major reasons I stopped speaking with you daily was because I felt ashamed. I felt insecure cursing around you. When I would smoke at first, I hated to be around you cause I felt like I was letting you and lunchbox down in a major way. Regardless, Im not saying "OH WOOHOO RICKS A SINNER LIKE ME NOW! WE CAN BE BFFLS AGAIN" cause obviously, we still prolly may never be close and what not. But I'd like to be. I mean, youre in BFB now! hahaha...erhm...
In any event, what I'm saying is my major beef was always my jealously of your ability to hold onto your christianity and I felt like I didnt match up. We fought alot. We had major disagreements. We stopped talking. Working with you at OTB was chillin as hell and I felt like we were back to being good friends. Id like to stay friends, not "OMG BFFLS" but yah know, friends. We all sorta grew up and the friend/best friend went out with high school. I consider you a friend and we grew up together bro. Dont be a stranger. I know I wont be. LIVE LIFE AND ENJOY. If there is a God and all that, I think he knows people go through stages to learn what he is and what hes supposed to be to them. In any case, and Ive used ALOT of transitions in this. Miss you dude. Hope to hear from ya.
Peace,
Zack
yo man, honestly I think religion is just a guideline to live a prosperous life. It seems to me as if it were designed to give people hope and faith.
ReplyDeleteThat's just my theory though.
anyway you've been lost we should chill more.
JT
Uncle Rick!
ReplyDeletei don't think you're ensnared by the devil's trap. You know i won't lecture you or tell you that HELL is waiting. I guess you can say that i'm shocked. but this doesn't change any love for you. you know that we met on MSP and well the search for understanding oneself is pivotal. I pray that you will find what you're looking for or find out that what you were looking for isn't what you wanted at all. enough with the tongue twisters. You know where i stand but it's not about me it's about you. I'd love to talk to ya about it somemore. this blog writing this isn't my cup of tea lol.technology itself is well failing me day by day but thats another story...