Reconciliation

Last year in 2017 I found my faith again and my relationship with Jesus Christ. 8 years later (for reference: http://ricktheruler.blogspot.com/2009/05/genesis.html). I don't think I can truly express how grateful I am to be back. The amount that I've grown is astronomical. I'm nowhere near perfect, but isn't that the great thing about grace? :) I can say with sincere conviction that I'll never turn my back on my God again. I'm not happy that I spent so long away, but I'm thankful for the way God watched over me in that time and the things that I learned, because this relationship that I have with Christ is built on a much stronger foundation...a lasting one. Everyone's journey in this life is different. If you're reading this, I pray that your journey would lead you to truth, peace, and love. And if you're in Miami, check out the church I attend, Vous Church. It's a place where you can belong before you believe, and I'm proud to call it home.

Life

...is pretty goddamn amazing. I haven't made it yet, but I'm on my way! ✌🏾️

Because choice.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/jamie-varon/2014/12/this-is-how-we-date-now/

There's so much swirling through my head after reading this that I can't type my thoughts out in a comprehensive or coherent manner. I keep writing shit and deleting it, writing shit and deleting it. What it comes down to is I can't figure out how to write what I want to say without writing what I want to say. I suppose that it will suffice to say the article hits home.

SYG

"It's a revelation, a moment of clarity." I love how sometimes things become clear and my mind opens up to these epiphanies out of nowhere. These epiphanies often come with a change of attitude which admittedly is often short lived, but I don't really care right now because I'm going to indulge in this moment. The here and now is fleeting, my friends, and we mustn't take it for granted. Anyway, I really need to sleep. It's a big week and I'm already starting it off with a sleep deficit. Paid fitting for an HBO show tomorrow, work, exam, class, people to see, filming on Weds-Fri for the show, etc. And I fucked up my knee at Trash Talk on Saturday, so I gotta take care of that. This isn't that coherent, I know. Don't worry about it. I'm not. I'm glad that my cousin was able to make it down for Basel and I was able to show him some amazing things. I love that guy. Finally, I've got dreams and I'm fighting for them. They come into fruition little by little everyday. Just wait for it.

Give me a minute....

I'm still trying to catch my breath. 

Fo-cus!

I've been up since 5am trying to study, but I've been so incredibly distracted. I have too much on my mind, and it came out of nowhere. This sucks. I don't have an exam today, but still. Come on, Rick, FOCUS!

Edit: It's 9 till 3pm right now and I've literally been thinking about the same thing all day. The longer I think about it, the crazier my thoughts get. Can I get a muzzle for my mind, please? Like some eternal sunshine type shit? Damn.

Muzak

The Morning Benders

Phoenix

The Dodos

Home

I miss my home.

Número Uno

Honestly, I learned a lot from my last relationship. And even though it's been a year or so since it ended, I'm still learning from it. I just read something which made me think about all of this now. I think I was pretty immature in a number of ways (well, we both had our moments, but let's focus on my blunders for now), and I'm glad that I can look back and recognize that. The whole situation gave me a pretty clear picture on what to look for as well as what to look out for (red flags) as far as potential future relationships go. I feel like I've developed fairly good insight on the way that I should treat a person as well as the way that I should expect to be treated. I guess they call it "wisdom" haha. It would have been nice to have wisened up sooner, but I suppose it's better late than never. In any event, I'm not looking for anything right now; I honestly don't have the time nor the desire to dedicate to something long-term at the moment. For the time being, I'm going to continue to focus on número uno: me, myself, and I <3

Gym Talk

As of today, my max squat and my max deadlift are both over 300 lbs. It would be amazing if I could get my bench up there too <3__<3

How To Make It In America

I'm here at work listening to Cudi and it reminded me of this show. I wish they would have finished it :/

Itch

I've got that itch again. And no, it's not something that I need to get checked out -.- I just feel a little restless. I want to get outta here and travel and see the world. I want to wake up in a new place, jump in a river, go through some woods, scale a mountain.... I've got an urge to be more physical too; jump on my bike and ride 100 miles, stand on my hands, jump and kick, flip, dive, swim.... I know all of it is coming. I'm in school right now. I work at my school, so I see a lot of this place. I study a lot and I get good grades. I don't have much time for other things...but I know that it's an investment in my future. A "work hard now so that I can play hard later" sort of thing. Just one more year until I have my Bachelor of Science in Nursing. One more year, man. Just one more year.

My chest, my back....

Lol at that title. I'm so sore. The gym whooped my ass. Gotta love the DOMS (and hate them--we've got a very ambivalent relationship haha). That's only part of what's on my mind though. I can't sleep. My eyes are tired but my brain is wired. I'm lying here thinking about my past and about my future. I've gone through so much, you know? I guess it's just life. And I have so much more life ahead of me to live. I have so much more shit to go through, both good and bad. I suppose I should try to live for the ups while also trying to minimize the downs. That's what life is all about, right? Making the most of it (the time that we're here that is). I wouldn't say that life is where I want it to be right now, but it's still pretty damn good and it's brimming with possibilities. I feel good. And I think that I can go to sleep now. Good night, dreamers :)

Sure

Apparently eternity isn't as long as I thought, forever fades, and change is the only constant. Or maybe I'm just a cynic.

Edit: But I'm not a cynic, am I? I'm really more of a realist and an optimist simultaneously if that's possible. I'm a fool full of foolish feelings. It's kind of fascinating to me, the things that go on in my head. The back and forth intrigues me. I've come to accept it in this moment, the fact that the back and forth exists. The dichotomy between hope and despair. It shouldn't be forever though. That's the optimist and the realist speaking.

Swerve

I'm not sure what's up with this epidemic, but this is exactly how I feel about it. At least finish school and/or get a career first, Jesus Christ.

But I suppose:

Fresh

I copped a new whip today! I said goodbye to the 2011 Corolla and jumped into a 2014 Corolla :) I'm stoked on the new ride and I'm extremely proud of myself for the way that I've built up my credit over the years to the point that I didn't need a consigner for this purchase. I know it may sound stupid, but my credit has always been really important to me. Having good credit is something that I've always cherished. I know part of it stems from seeing others' experience with poor credit and the way that it has affected them. It also stems from the fact that I don't believe in paying interest on a credit card (at least not personally). I feel like that's just giving money away for nothing. Understandably, not everyone can afford to do that. But there are those that seem to relish living beyond their means and end up falling into debt. I'd rather be smart and pay the thing off in full every month (and trust me, the creditors take notice of that kind of punctuality). Finally it stems from the feeling of being approved for things. When I get approved for things, its as if they're telling me, "You have proven yourself, and we trust you." Phone service, cable service, my old apartment, my old motorcycle, etc. And now this car. It makes it feel as if the world is my oyster, and I'm looking forward to all that it has to offer!!! =)

Stoked!

I did my first Eka Hasta Bhujasana or Elephant's Trunk Pose today! Hell yeah!!!

LIFE

#StayQuit #StayFit

Denial

I find that there's no use in denial with yourself. Why try to fool yourself when you're the only one in your head? Honesty is the best policy, but it starts with being honest with yourself. I think it's powerful to be able to recognize what you truly feel and what it is that you truly want. I suppose there are exceptions in extreme circumstances such as with Kubler-Ross's stages, but even that ends in acceptance. So acknowledge what you're feeling, acknowledge what you want. And if what you want is to no longer feel a certain way, then you take it from there. Admitting the problem is the first step to recovery (sorry for all the cliches, but it's true!). Food for thought.

Peace

I feel particularly enlightened in this very moment. I read just one sentence and I instantly felt different. I won't share the sentence though, it's personal. And I'm 99% sure that it wouldn't have the same effect for you readers anyway lol. Here's to hoping that this lasts for a loooooong time!